But a Dream...

For some people, dreams are significant and sacred for it is believed to be the link of the past, present and future.  Dreams are even part of Sigmund Freud's psychosexual analysis since our unconscious self -- the raw, uninhibited side of us, is awake.

The most recent dream startled me this morning as the realization dawned on to me as to why was I awoken -- because I had to walk to away..

Devoid of any biases and conclusions, these are the bits and pieces that my conscious memory is trying the encapsulate. Let's just call them assumptions and suspend our disbelief.

Assumption 1:  There was supposed to be a big event and guests are coming in from different countries and provinces. I recognized the city as my hometown, Bacolod but I am visiting as a tourist and not as an old-timer.

Assumption 2:  My "significant other" is actually a native of the place and looks like 12 years younger but there is tension between us that we are both trying to avoid each other. It was a silent drama of stolen glances and anxiety.

Assumption 3: I met this bubbly girl who's about 4' 10'' and probably of my age. She looked very happy as tells a story to a circle of friends which, surprisingly, I belonged to as well. She said she was pregnant and the father was "MY S/O"!

Assumption 4:  This is a bit blurry but I remember an attempt to have a conversation with him and then there was an explosion or commotion of sorts.  I saw my S/O with an amputated leg and/or arm. Then I said to myself, "I must leave.. I didn't know that he sticks his dick somewhere else when I am not around..."

Back to reality...

I've come to realized that my dream is not about cheating... It's my own insecurity setting me up -- such a low blow!  Still, in the end, the Inner Goddess wins!

Merrily...merrily...merrily... life is but a dream...

thank you, thirty-two...

Dear Thirty-two,

A few minutes from now, you would be leaving... While some would like to hang on, I, on the other hand, will graciously let you go. It had been a wonderful year with you -- from the fights, frustrations, and fears to the laughter, love, and liquor.

We made promises and some we've never kept but we never walked out on each other. I know I drove you mad for slipping away with Twenty-three yet you were patient.

Despite of it all, you kept FAITH. You have shown me strength and courage during my lowest points and whispered wonderful thoughts when I feel that the world is castigating me. I will be forever grateful.

Thank you for showing me that LOVE is fueled by FAITH and never of FEAR – that, it is okay to let go because faith knows there is tomorrow... Ultimately, I will be fine and things will get better.



Giving you my last embrace,

Hya

Things that go Bump in the Night...

There are nights when things go bump and awaken you in fear. Is it a burglar, is it a ghost or is it just a dream? With a flick of the light switch, you would know whether you'd be scared or not. I wish it's that easy.... 

It is never easy when Uncertainty goes bump in the middle of the night, right between wakefulness and sleep - when you are one step closer to dream zone... 

Uncertainty comes in bearing questions that burn inside your head and decisions take two confirmations instead of one but you just can't let it go and it won't leave you in peace either...

Uncertainty takes you to Dante's hell-- to the seventh level called Limbo. Pitch black and cold, nothing to do but to sit and hug yourself as it drains your happiness and all good memories are sucked out until you feel empty... nothing...worthless...

The burning questions cast off a soft glow of fiery red. 

Do you see this "thing" as something serious?

Would it be long-term? 

What is the next step?

What are the risks and sacrifices?

Is this out of love or out of fear?

It is a trial by fire, they will burn you if your intentions are not true. Truth is a ruthless friend and can hurt you like a foe but it always rejoices in the right. 

      Courage, please come with your armor. I am ready now. Is Time on my side?

The Warrior in Dancing Shoes

The elements are the same
       Battle-bred... Forged out of steel
                            Made tough by the demons

His principles... Her discipline
                       He fought with power
                                             She, with grace

Onto the battlefield
          Swords wielded reflecting the sun
                                Armors rusted...blood crusted
                                                                                                                              

Blazing eyes of dark to light
      Of  fear
          Of faith

                                                                        The dangerous dance begins...

Do not mock my skin
       I have seen horrors as much as you do 
Do not judge my strength according to the thickness of my limbs
       My spirit is limitless 
Laugh at my sword -- puny against the gothic axe you wield 
       Feel the cold blade cut through you -- flesh and bones 
You fight with power and anger
       Relentless to the core
Yet here you stand 
      Captured by movement and art....

I am your mystery...

I am the Warrior in Dancing Shoes....

CosMythology

It must have been the period of the Great Destruction when all of the 9 Worlds are at risk.  A threat that could leave the whole universe into a senseless void until another supernova can spark another life out of chaos...

The Universe has been enveloped by Greed -- a black hole who vowed to end all existence.  It has been a battle of light and darkness in the cosmos since time immemorial and only the gods and goddesses could have witnessed and suffered because of immortality. Death can sometimes be a welcoming thought...

Odin needed Zeus to stop the impending doom and despite his reluctance to put Olympus in jeopardy, he knew that Greed would be invading his own world soon. On his chariot of fire, Zeus rode with the young Athena. A promising lady who thinks like he does yet as gentle as rain shower. She has her father's determined chin and dark eyes that holds vast accounts of learning through history. She has absorbed all stories and analyzed all battles. Athena looked forward to her first real adventure -- eager and armed...

The flaming horses reached the gates of colored crystals. It was a long journey yet sleep would have to wait. There was not a moment to waste. They were whisked away to a large chamber where replicas of the planets are floating...reflecting reality. The darkness has enveloped most of the constellations.  The world of men is in peril. The stars could no longer guide the Vikings.

"Blond and arrogant", thought Athena as she observed Odin's son from the corner of her eye. "He, too, has the power of thunder, just like Father...well, almost"...

"Her eyes..." Thor could not fathom his thoughts...his fascination..."Her eyes are like deep pools of mystery; a-waiting to be unraveled..."

The tensed connection of these two godly beings was diluted because of the war at hand. There were moments when stares linger and movements encapsulated. It was dance and deception rolled into one. No one noticed the silent drama unfolding except for Fate who was amused by the whole scenario.

With a flick of fingers, the two younglings found themselves in the realm of Heimdallr -- keeper of the gates.  He had golden irises for he sees what could not be seen. He knew the reason of the guarded beatings of two hearts.

Dark eyes to blue.. wariness in the air but the polarity is mightier. They stood side by side and stared at the grandeur of the 9 worlds with only the golden keeper bearing witness to the silent dance of emotions yet saddened by the ill-fated reality that is about to shatter the magical swirls.

Both are bounded to their duties..to their worlds... He's going to be king... Her own people are waiting...

The memory is now just an incomplete verse hummed by the winds as Athena walks along the Enchanted Forest...

                                           Valhalla is so far away
                                                       Myriads of lifetimes in between
                                                                     The runes lay tranquil...waiting to be written...

Desideliria

Out of random female conversations on a sunny Thursday morning, a colleague sent a three-page synopsis of Delirium by Lauren Oliver. From just the title itself, my brain sent flashes of varying states of psychoses -- from depression to desolation which I carried with me until lunchtime as I devoured a piece of chicken that probably died of a heart attack due to the oil surrounding it. Nevertheless, it still tastes like chicken.

Fifteen minutes before I switch to work mode, I opened the file and all of the  psychotic images inside my head were sucked by a powerful force called Curiosity. The first line stated:

'The most dangerous sicknesses are those that make us believe we are well. —Proverb 42, The Book of Shhh  '

The book of what?!?! My eyes frantically scanned the words as my mind dissect the thoughts. So far, nothing pertinent can give me a clue on who or what "SHHH" is. Why the name? Why three "H's" instead of two? Once again, the hamster inside my head had to crank up the adrenaline system as speculations are brewing and my ego screaming, "I WANT THIS BOOK!!!".  My curiosity has subsided, knowing that it's book hunting this weekend.

However, my bored and sulking inner goddess was piqued...moved to tears...  I've read it again and again just trying to make sure I am not having a visit from dyslexia.  It penned, "Amor Deliria Nervosa". Dark smoke is swirling around her and I knew that it's just a matter of time before she takes the center stage of my mind. These are her lamentations.

"LOVE is a disease?!? Why should one call love a disease? Worse,  for the whole world to believe? The scientists have perfected the CURE?!? Why must love be to blame?  Love is the very reason we are here. We do not die because of it or for the lack of it. We just simply die...

Imagine a world without love. A world where relationships are mere transactions of convenient co-habitation and sex is just a means to pro-creation.

Never shall we feel the exhilaration...the rush of first blush as we stare into the object of our affection. Gone are the butterflies that tickle the stomach as we finally decide to go on a first date. 

Would we ever remember the spine-tingling, toe-curling sweetness of first kiss as it leaves you breathless and yearning for more?

Love is not a disease.. It is POWER -- an infinite capacity to embrace the universe.  Love did not cause madness, it's GREED.  Greed has corrupted Love's divinity and principles.  Greed made us feel hollow and obscured the radiating light from within. Greed blinded us with selfish desires and drove people to insanity.

The truth is... Love dwells in you. The first requirement is to love yourself. Let the power grow within and it will emanate. We never have to take because love is in giving. Love is universal, it will never bend. That is why we cannot wield it to serve us. We serve Love, then, you will get what you deserve..."

Cosmic War

let the rain fall down
heal the scorching fire
break the enchantment
the river is not too wide

cast a protective spell
the sanctuary must not fall
somber bells have spoken in tune
time will seize the moment

dawn purifies the dark soul
the arrows, poison-tipped
truth in its utmost vigilance
the universe is finally at peace....